Umm well the following is something I just composed and sent to Peter but I think it's something that anyone that has ever cared about someone and not gotten exactly the same in return should read this. This update I think is for Peter.
Oh Peter…we are too alike with the people we choose to love aren’t we? You’d protect him no matter what wouldn’t you? You’d let no one slander his name in your presence, no whore would ever break his heart, no bastard dare use him…I have wonder though is it too much of a burden? I took that same burden for someone long ago or that’s the way it feels….a tall, scrawny, awkward boy at the time…now a sensuous, graceful, intoxicating man. Any woman he wanted I would retrieve, any moment of anger I would calm, any shadow of sadness I would destroy, and always awaiting his attention. One woman hurt him once when I was beginning to guard him, one woman, at the time she was my best friend and she knew what he meant to me and she took him anyway, I later found out it was a bet and the day after Valentine’s she dumped him. He’d gotten her roses candy a stuffed animal, spent a half an hour breaking into her locker to place them there until I came and of course opened it from him. He cried for ages and sunk into depression slipping father and farther away from me leaving a shell with no heart and no need of one…she was made an example of. No physical harm was done to her, if I got into a fight CHS wouldn’t take me, but I destroyed her mentality slowly and surely. Her’s and the person she’d made a bet with. I never liked girls they were ruthless and underhanded as am I. I called in favors from various males I’d helped at one time or another and spooned their own medicine down there throats. No woman ever hurt him after before there were many and they were handled accordingly. I know you must be like Kim God that’s not right, but a warning was issued they knew what they were getting into and I don’t make empty threats. I would be pure evil if that would take care of him, but I can’t say he would do the same for me. Time passed…when I heard he’d stolen I still loved him, when he confessed it was true I still loved him, when I heard he had been cheating on me I still loved him (something that has never been confirmed or denied), when I heard he’d slept with someone I cried and still loved him(something that he swears is a lie), because people need love the most when they are at their lowest but now…now I don’t know when enough is enough and I can’t tear myself away. Peter you and I are guardians to people who don’t seem to value it. They don’t see the traps we set to protect them, the people we deal with to keep them safe, they don’t see the dedication we have for them and only them. It’s a lonely life the one lead this way but we’ve adopted it perhaps at first by choice but now it’s sucked us in, the very idea of protection, perhaps engraving in to our very souls…and for what? For a simple glance? A small smile? A wink? God Damn such small trivial things to the rest of the world but to us…to us it’s everything. The rest of the world could blow up and you wouldn’t care as long as he was well. Why is it in this way that people must love? Is there no even trade? Must I be his little kitten for always? To never be anything more than the woman he falls back on? To take point and clear the way, and lay rose petals at his feet? Why will he not prove to me that he dissevers a fraction of this, any of this!? Such a burden Peter will tear you apart from the inside out…slowly and surely…the jealous will drive you mad…the loneliness will be your only companion late at nigh…tears will stain your pillow until the day of your death…or the day you give up on him whichever comes first. Peter I have lived in this Servitude for almost 4 years. All the demons know me and where to find me. They know the taverns I haunt, and the alleys I creep. They know what memories to bring back, they know what letters to cite, what phone calls to quote to bring me to nothing more than a shaking sobbing shell of a person. Peter don’t let this take hold of you as it has me all right? Know when enough is enough my friend, know when to let go.
Yeah... so I saved it as Rose Petals and when I sent it to Peter I called it With Rose Petals at His Feet and then I used a black background and red font...I don't know why I did that, but for the moment it just felt right well when I thought about it it I thought of Lauren...I don't know why, but I did...this update is for her too then...another person that insprires me to be a writer again. One day Lauren I'll ask you to read something I've written...not like this you know...different...
Oh Peter…we are too alike with the people we choose to love aren’t we? You’d protect him no matter what wouldn’t you? You’d let no one slander his name in your presence, no whore would ever break his heart, no bastard dare use him…I have wonder though is it too much of a burden? I took that same burden for someone long ago or that’s the way it feels….a tall, scrawny, awkward boy at the time…now a sensuous, graceful, intoxicating man. Any woman he wanted I would retrieve, any moment of anger I would calm, any shadow of sadness I would destroy, and always awaiting his attention. One woman hurt him once when I was beginning to guard him, one woman, at the time she was my best friend and she knew what he meant to me and she took him anyway, I later found out it was a bet and the day after Valentine’s she dumped him. He’d gotten her roses candy a stuffed animal, spent a half an hour breaking into her locker to place them there until I came and of course opened it from him. He cried for ages and sunk into depression slipping father and farther away from me leaving a shell with no heart and no need of one…she was made an example of. No physical harm was done to her, if I got into a fight CHS wouldn’t take me, but I destroyed her mentality slowly and surely. Her’s and the person she’d made a bet with. I never liked girls they were ruthless and underhanded as am I. I called in favors from various males I’d helped at one time or another and spooned their own medicine down there throats. No woman ever hurt him after before there were many and they were handled accordingly. I know you must be like Kim God that’s not right, but a warning was issued they knew what they were getting into and I don’t make empty threats. I would be pure evil if that would take care of him, but I can’t say he would do the same for me. Time passed…when I heard he’d stolen I still loved him, when he confessed it was true I still loved him, when I heard he had been cheating on me I still loved him (something that has never been confirmed or denied), when I heard he’d slept with someone I cried and still loved him(something that he swears is a lie), because people need love the most when they are at their lowest but now…now I don’t know when enough is enough and I can’t tear myself away. Peter you and I are guardians to people who don’t seem to value it. They don’t see the traps we set to protect them, the people we deal with to keep them safe, they don’t see the dedication we have for them and only them. It’s a lonely life the one lead this way but we’ve adopted it perhaps at first by choice but now it’s sucked us in, the very idea of protection, perhaps engraving in to our very souls…and for what? For a simple glance? A small smile? A wink? God Damn such small trivial things to the rest of the world but to us…to us it’s everything. The rest of the world could blow up and you wouldn’t care as long as he was well. Why is it in this way that people must love? Is there no even trade? Must I be his little kitten for always? To never be anything more than the woman he falls back on? To take point and clear the way, and lay rose petals at his feet? Why will he not prove to me that he dissevers a fraction of this, any of this!? Such a burden Peter will tear you apart from the inside out…slowly and surely…the jealous will drive you mad…the loneliness will be your only companion late at nigh…tears will stain your pillow until the day of your death…or the day you give up on him whichever comes first. Peter I have lived in this Servitude for almost 4 years. All the demons know me and where to find me. They know the taverns I haunt, and the alleys I creep. They know what memories to bring back, they know what letters to cite, what phone calls to quote to bring me to nothing more than a shaking sobbing shell of a person. Peter don’t let this take hold of you as it has me all right? Know when enough is enough my friend, know when to let go.
Yeah... so I saved it as Rose Petals and when I sent it to Peter I called it With Rose Petals at His Feet and then I used a black background and red font...I don't know why I did that, but for the moment it just felt right well when I thought about it it I thought of Lauren...I don't know why, but I did...this update is for her too then...another person that insprires me to be a writer again. One day Lauren I'll ask you to read something I've written...not like this you know...different...
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